Healed by Conflict
Sermon |January 10, 2021| Rev. Julie Lombard and Sarah-Elizabeth Anderson
Hi There, I am the Rev. Julie Lombard preaching from outside the church that launched me into ministry: Concord Unitarian Universalist Church in Concord, NH. I have come here to tell you a very special story about this church and how it’s ministry has impacted my life and many others.
I first started coming for the same reasons many come: I was seeking community and a place to raise my kids to teach them about a value based faith. It wasn’t the tradition I was raised with but it’s the one my spouse and I chose for our children. So, I arrived with a 3 month old on my hip and I kept returning. Before long, my Baby Buddies group was meeting here weekly and the Director of Religious Education was getting me involved in many programs.
At church, I was offered a spiritual home and I soon became a member. Then, I had another child and I became even more involved in church. I was one of the young mothers trying to go to worship without my infant’s cries disrupting the service. I had experienced the shushers who tried to silence me and my baby, but I kept coming even though I knew our presence wasn’t what everyone wanted.
Eventually, my children were embedded in the religious education program and so was I. I didn’t get to worship as much as I had liked, but my life has meaning and I was happily involved in my church. It was in that period that a transformative experience happened to me during coffee hour.
A man walked up to me- someone I had noticed, but wasn’t aware he had noticed me. He asked me if I would like to attend a workshop at church. I was so sure he wasn’t talking to me that I looked behind me to see who he was talking to… there was only me. He was an older man, old enough to be my father, someone I had never spoken to before. I thanked him for the offer and I told him I would be in touch. That man’s name was John Warner and he changed my life.
The workshop I was invited to was put on by an organization called Pace Bene, the workshop was titled: Engage. That is what we did, we engaged with one another and heard stories and told our own. We were there to become better listeners because John believed the church he loved had concerns and conflict that it needed to tend to. John had faith that if we could learn how to listen better, we might just get beyond our conflict.
The church had a history of brief ministries and the revolving door of membership was constantly spinning and spitting people out. What was going on? Why was this happening? What was the conflict that folks were not tending to there? John was curious and invited a bunch to join him on that journey to find out.
After my beloved minister and his wife, the DRE, left the church, my heart was broken. It was clear that the church was entangled in a conflict and we had no clear way out. John was sadden, too, but also determined to change the culture. He brought more workshops and trained more people. He brought to church a conflict restoration process known as Restorative Circles.
John believed that our conflict was not a fight between two people rather this was a conflict that involved the entire community. He imagined that Restorative Circle might offer the church a platform where everyone’s voice mattered and we could work through our conflict in a constructive and beneficial way.
John has a wild imagination, but his plan worked. I was lucky enough to be a part of that journey. Restorative Circles changed the conflict culture there. It made the church a healthier place. They no longer avoided conflict instead they found fruitful ways to engage in it. One of the benefits from that endeavor was Rev. Michael, he’s been serving this church for a decade which is longer than most ministers before him. I want to give some credit for Michael’s long ministry to John and the Restorative Circles Practice.
Now, I want to change directions and introduce to you a friend of mine. This is Sarah-Elizabeth Anderson. She is a member of the church and a livelong Unitarian Universalist. She was also on that journey with John and me. Today, she is a Restorative Circles Trainer and she has spread this wisdom far and wide. I will let her tell you that part of the story….
Thank you Reverend Julie for this introduction. You were the one who came to me prior to the first Restorative Circle workshop in the fall of 2008 saying, “Hey, Sarah-Elizabeth, there’s this workshop where we’ll exploring listening. I’m sure it will give you some tools for your massage practice. Will you join us?” She was right. The listening skills I’ve learned and practiced have made me better at listening to the needs of my clients. Little did I know that 12 years later, I’d be looking back on the journey we made with wonder, reflecting on how we individually and collectively changed as we learned together how to listen more deeply to ourselves, each other and our community.
Over the years, our Restorative Circles facilitator team RC Team nurtured our listening skills, connections and offered support as we have co-facilitated Circles for more than 18 conflicts in our congregation, and the community at large. Our RC team began leading our own workshops, sharing with our members and the greater Concord community what we have learned about how to create space for conversations about the conflict that is amongst us.
In 2015 I lead workshops at the UU Church in Nashua, NH and our minister invited me to offer training at the UU Ministers Association fall retreat. From that experience, Rev. Patience Stoddard invited me to the UU Congregation of this Upper Valley Fellowship, where members from the UU Congregation of Burlington and the UU Church of St. Johnsbury joined us.
Theses communities are finding the benefits of listening deeply with one another. A member of the Upper Valley congregation said to me in a recent conversation, “Reflective listening and Restorative Circles practice is some of the most important work we are doing in our community right now.”
Brenda Nolan, chairwoman of the Restorative Justice Task Team for the UCC Southern Conference, has invited me twice to speak at the Super Saturday event. She brought me to her community of Falmouth, MA, where I worked with members of the UU Fellowship of Falmouth, MA, the congregational church in Falmouth and members of the Friend’s Meeting of Falmouth, MA. Brenda and five other women, including Joanne Treistman, of the UU Fellowship of Falmouth, MA are now leading a monthly Circle conversations in the low income housing community in Falmouth.
Last March, began a workshop here at Concord UU once a week for six weeks. We turned it into a zoom workshop, and found the breakout rooms for perfect for practicing together in pairs and small groups. And so, the training has continued online.
In April I began a training via zoom for an international organization called Extinction Rebellion. The Global Regenerative Support working group had members from Germany, India, UK, Australia and US attending. The group from Germany dove in and co-facilitated a two conversations having to do with conflict amongst community members, including an individual who is one of XR Germany’s commentators to the media. I continue to meet once a month with the International XR workshop participants to support their efforts to bring Restorative Circles practices into their regenerative culture.
June found me at the UUA General assembly for the second time. Community member Whitney Howarth joined me live via zoom, a video is available for viewing. With more than 400 attendees, we were excited to have an opportunity to share this work with the wider UU world. Following GA I lead a workshop for interested congregation members from across the country, and more than 35 people attended. In 2021 I plan to continue to offer trainings via zoom to communities across the US and around the world. At the end of January, Whitney Howarth, (fellow member of Concord UU and History professor at Plymouth State University,) and I will be offering a Restorative Circle training to participants in a Peace Entrepreneur training in Rwanda. Materials are translated into Kinyarwanda and we are excited to work with 16 youth leaders who will return home and meet weekly with 25 youth in their local communities.
I will continue in 2021 to offer online trainings as members of a wide variety of communities are looking for ways to face conflict that bring the healing of understanding one another. This is how we co-create beloved community in the world.
GA presentation “Creating a Listening Community: Introduction to Restorative Circles” link: https://vimeo.com/showcase/7462757/video/433251212/
Trauma and conflict are everywhere. It’s in our homes, our churches, and throughout the world. Today, you heard the inspirational story how one church imagined that by facing their conflict constructively, it would allow them to address unmet needs, listen to one another, and move forward united in peace. They shared this ministry with their city and the wider world.
I believe this is a ministry we, as Unitarian Universalists, are call to do. Let us be the peacemakers. Our world needs us. Let us spread a love that reaches out and embraces all. Here, you will be heard, together we will address unmet needs, as we commit ourselves to make peace.
Blessed be. Amen.