A Roots Service

Sermon | March 28, 2021 | Rev. Julie Lombard featuring Harry Nutter, Janine Deckard, & Sonja Millichamp

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I’d like to consider a question that I believe points to a foundation for redemption: What if each of us is always doing the best we can in every moment, according to our level of consciousness at that time?

I believe that in essence each of us is divine love, peace, and wellbeing, and that the only thing obscuring those qualities is our thinking.  When our mind is relatively quiet, perhaps when watching a sunset or a kitten at play, we can feel that love and peace to a greater degree.  And when we’re feeling good, at peace, do we ever turn to a loved one and say a hurtful thing?  But what happens when the phone rings and it’s frustrating news?  I might get stressed out, suddenly thinking of ten things I need to do RIGHT NOW and feeling irritated because this “shouldn’t have happened.”  This busy, resistant mind can get so loud that it drowns out my essence, and losing touch with that feels terrible.  While I’m in this bad feeling, Scott may innocently walk in the room and ask for something.   What happens?  Well, maybe I snap at him – instantly, almost involuntarily.   The very next second I “wake up” and I regret it.  So could I have done better in that moment?  Was *I* – the real, essential me – even present there?

The way I see it, all human suffering works the same way, varying only in details and degree.  When I really see that we do the best we can in each moment, and that only hurting people hurt people, forgiveness becomes natural.  I really mean that.  I can see now that my mother who loved me so much and did so much for me, yet yelled at me and my dad every single day and sometimes did hurtful things…  Well, she spent most of her life feeling stressed and unhappy, believing her mind’s story that things should be different and she should be upset.  Every time she yelled, SHE was hurting a lot, and her behavior was truly the best she could do from that low state.  None of that yelling was about me!  In seeing this, the hurt falls away, deep love is felt.   My mom passed away twelve years ago, but this love truly is our full redemption.

All of this is equally true of myself and my living relationships.  I can look back at choices that now seem foolish, and at ignorant, hurtful things I’ve said and done.  My mind is quick to say “how could you?”, but I know, at a deeper level, that I absolutely did the best I could, even when that “best” was pretty lousy.  Truly, if I could have seen to do better, I would have.

Seeing this doesn’t mean that I become careless in how I treat people.  On the contrary, it has made “the best I can do in the moment” a lot better on average.  Psychiatrist Dr. Bill Pettit makes a distinction between remorse and guilt.  He says that remorse is truly feeling sorry for something I did and wanting to make amends.  It’s about love and about the person I hurt.  Guilt is just all about me… what kind of a person am *I*… how could *I* have done that… It’s just another mind story in which I’m the main character.  When we disidentify from thoughts of guilt and defensiveness, we’re free to feel remorse.  We’re able to feel the love that is our nature, to apologize, and to do the work of repairing relationships. 

And what about those who haven’t apologized to me, or who maybe hurt me still?  Well, forgiveness is really more about me than about them.  Resentment and anger cause me suffering, and when I see that truth, along with the truth that this person is doing the best he can with the consciousness and understanding he has right now, I can set those painful burdens down.  It doesn’t mean that I can’t express hurt, state needs, set boundaries, or even end that relationship.  It’s possible to say “no” without negativity.  I can forgive and move forward in peace.

There’s a lot more I could share about how the mind and human experience look to me now, and I’m sure there’s a lot more yet for me to see.  As this understanding deepens, I find more freedom in my relationships, in life’s challenges, and from my own chattering mind.  I believe that even the most painful experiences in life can be redeemed.