Things RuPaul Taught Me
Sermon | June 4, 2023| Lisa Jebsen
Anyone who knows me knows that I’m a huge fan of “RuPaul’s Drag Race.” For as long as it’s been on the air, I’ve reveled in the joy, the comedy, the subversion, the life stories and gorgeous art made by the queens as they compete for cash and the title of the “Next Drag Superstar.” When I’m not watching the latest episode, I’ll indulge in podcasts and videos about the international sensation. I’ve even made a trip to Dallas to see one of my favorite winners, Bob the Drag Queen, perform.
It feels good to talk about my favorite show at the beginning of Pride Month. Especially in light of the fact that just yesterday the insane drag ban passed by the Tennessee legislature was overturned – by a judge who was appointed by you-know-who, no less.
The fight against these bans and the attacks on gender affirming healthcare is far from over but it feels good to be able to celebrate Mama Ru and some of the things I’ve gleaned from the Emmy award-winning host and icon. Because in addition to being drop dead gorgeous in and out of drag, RuPaul Andre Charles has some great advice for the competitors that can be applied beyond the competition.
On the show they’d probably call this Ruvice. It’s very clear to anyone who watches the show that she loves imparting wisdom – after all, she has a book called GuRu!
WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK OF ME IS NONE OF MY BUSINESS
This platitude is at the top of the list for me and sadly, a life lesson I have yet to master. There are days when I have to repeat it to myself like a mantra.
On days I feel like switching up my mantra, I can use a bit of wisdom Ru got from her own mother which drives home the same point… “If they ain’t paying your bills, pay them no mind.” The language in the actual quote is a little saltier but you get the point.
To varying degrees, we are all hard-wired with the desire to please others. In my case, it is quite easy to get caught in a vicious circle where every move seems to be an attempt to win the approval of others.
Any time I’m feeling paralyzed, I think of these words. It’s important to note that this advice should extend to how we navigate the media and its impact on our well being … Mama Ru dives into her advice a little deeper with this thought from another book of hers called Workin’ It! Rupaul’s Guide to Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Style…
Be very careful of what you allow to infiltrate your consciousness and subconsciousness. When you watch too much television, you’ll start to feel inferior from all the commercials hard selling the idea that you’re not complete unless you buy their product […] The ad agencies appeal to your fear of not being wanted or loved. It’s the same with the local news. They get you to stay tuned with a constant stream of fear tactics […] It’s as if our culture is addicted to fear and the flat screen is our drug dealer. Don’t allow that crap into your head!’
Cutting out the negative from your life is better for your health. Scientific studies have shown that toxic people in our lives can have a real impact on our health – so it’s no surprise that fostering healthy relationships needs to be a priority. Whether it’s friends who are always having a huge life drama, family members who moan about everything or or a coworker who is constantly pessimistic, we have the power to keep their negativity at bay.
Plus it’s just nice to know that science backs up this advice from Mama Ru!
DON’T TAKE YOURSELF TOO SERIOUSLY
This is another one I struggle with. (I’m detecting a theme here). Just yesterday I shared with Scott and Sonja the internal wrestling match must fight any time I’m putting together a sermon. As if every message from the pulpit has to be some great masterpiece. So much time wasted, lost to fretting like this.
I know I’m not breaking new ground when I say that life is short. Considering that we sleep through ⅓ of it, I love the gentle reminder from Ru to enjoy life: learn to laugh at the ups and downs, loosen the grip of existential dread that often washes over us and fills us with fear. Let it go, laugh out loud, and live in the present moment.
Although RuPaul doesn’t have any religious affiliation per se, a philosophy like this sure sounds a lot like Buddhism.
The full quote is… “That is the key to navigating this life – don’t take it too seriously. That’s when the party begins.”
If you spend your life worrying and stressing, you might realize too late that you have barely been living. Essential items on my daily to-do list:
- Find something that makes me laugh
- Do something that gives me joy
- Be the person that helps others accomplish items 1 & 2
FIND YOUR TRIBE
Growing up – and even in adult life – many of us feel like we don’t quite fit in: we’re either too geeky, too feminine, too gay, too tomboyish, too tall, too short, too shy, too damn whatever.
In an article for Forbes, Roytel Montero has this to say about this bit of advice…
When it comes to the last lesson, nothing rings more true for young people struggling to find their stride in life. For LGBT youth in particular, it’s easy to feel lonely on the margins of society. Listening to Rupaul recount his story over the years, I have learned the importance of finding the people who share my passions for beauty, music, fashion and art. With the help of like-minded peers, you too can find the inspiration and support to make your dreams come true.
I also believe it’s possible to have more than one tribe. I’ve found it at Midland Community Theatre, the YMCA and of course here in our beloved community.
Recent science backs up Ru once again, showing that loneliness can be a bigger health risk than smoking or obesity.
IT’S OK IF YOU DON’T WIN
There’s a lot to be said for what you can do with the runner up spot. Some of the most successful queens from the franchise were never crowned the Next Drag Superstar. The list of runners up is long and so is the list of their accomplishments: albums, make up lines, world tours, magazine covers, modeling for world famous designers in New York and Paris, appearances in Emmy winning shows like “We’re Here” and award winning movies like A Star Is Born.
I don’t know who said it first, but I’ve heard one queen say that the real race starts after the show ends.
The practical application to daily life rings true with this as well. When things don’t go our way, find the lesson in the loss, keep plugging away and success will find its way to you.
IF YOU CAN’T LOVE YOURSELF, HOW IN THE HELL YOU GONNA LOVE SOMEBODY ELSE
RuPaul ends every episode with this and so I think it’s appropriate for this to be the last quote on my list. It’s another one of those lessons that can be filed in the “easier said than done category.” It also dovetails nicely with the first quote – what other people think of me is none of my business.
On the surface, everything I’ve shared today is a bit of a cliche – but behind every good cliche there is always an element of truth…. Imagine the power we can unleash if we all start loving ourselves,
Rachel Bettencourt says it well in her article “Five Life Lessons You Can Learn from RuPaul’s Drag Race.”
Love is something we all want. Whether we admit it to ourselves or not, it is the driving force behind all connections in life. There are many types of love. There is the platonic love you have for your best friend that just seems to get you like nobody else. There is the love you have with your sibling in trusting that they will always get your inside jokes. There is the love of your family. There is the love you give to your partner. While having these loves are fine and dandy, you can’t ever reach your full potential with anyone else until you do with the most important person in your life, you. The love we should all cherish most, the one we should continue to tend to and nurture, is our self-love. If you take anything away from this blog, I hope it is this: You are going to be the only person who is going to be there for you every single day of existing. It is the foundational love that allows all the other kinds of love to grow.
And once again, science agrees with Ru: The art of self love can help you achieve health and wellness goals, it contributes to happiness, it can help you break out of procrastination, get you through adversity, see you through adversity, and improve your mental health.
We’re all unique and deserving of love – especially self love!
So I’ll say it again, if you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else? Can I get an amen up in here?
SOURCES
https://thenickyblog.com/life-lessons-rupauls-drag-race/
https://www.rifemagazine.co.uk/2017/11/13-times-rupaul-taught-me-to-love-myself/
https://medium.com/@rachel_bettencourt/5-life-lessons-from-rupaul-1c832d6cd1ac