Sentenced to Wed
Sermon | April 25, 2021 |Rev. Julie Lombard
At the end of the book Eat, Pray, Love, Elizabeth Gilbert falls in love with a man named Felipe. This sermon tells their story and explains how the U.S. government sentenced them to wed. It’s based on Gilbert’s novel titled Committed; a Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage.
In Committed, it includes this quote: There is no greater risk than matrimony. But there is nothing happier than a happy marriage. This was written by Benjamin Disraeli in a letter to Queen Victoria’s daughter Louise congratulating her on her engagement. Another quote from the book is by Robert Louis Stevenson, it says, “Marriage is a friendship recognized by the police.” Liz and Felipe, had a love that was recognized by the authorities. If they wanted to continue their relationship, they were told by Border Patrol that they would have to get married.
We have heard many love stories before. Some are romantic, some happy, others not, but few where the government gets involved like this. You’ve heard of shot gun weddings, elopement, and weddings that get stalled with people left at the altar. We’ve heard stories of marriage that didn’t work that ended in divorce and sometimes with the police being involved, but this is not what happened to Liz and Felipe.
They were a committed couple, madly in love, not bothering a soul when they found themselves in the midst of a surprise that they never saw coming. There’s an old adage that goes: A fish and a bird may indeed fall in love, but where shall they live? Liz sadly saw herself as a bird who could dive and Felipe as a fish that could fly. But that wouldn’t help them.
Felipe is a Brazilian gentleman. They met in Bali and fell in love. Other than sharing a love for one another, they also shared a resistance to marriage. They were happy to make all sorts of promises to stay together, but since they were both survivors of divorces gone wrong, they weren’t in support of marriage. Some of you, here, may know that pain. I have been happily married for nearly a quarter of a century, but I have seen many partnerships go south.
The information I know about divorces comes from accounts of the ones I have heard about. Some go well and other do not – feelings get hurt after poor behavior.
Liz and Felipe were a rarity, they were happy to spend the rest of their lives together never to get married, but all that ended one day while they were returning to the States. They had flown into Dallas/Fort Worth International Airport from a trip abroad.
She passed through Immigration first, moving easily through her line of fellow American citizens. Felipe was not so fortunate. His line, of foreigners, was longer and as she watched him approach the immigration official, she saw that officer carefully scrutinized each page of Felipe’s bible-thick passport before picking up the phone to make a quiet call. Moments later, an officer wearing the Unites States Department of Homeland Security uniform came and took Felipe away.
Six hours later, rigid with fear, Liz was taken to visit him. She was led through a rabbit warren of bureaucratic mysteries, to a small dimly lit room where Felipe was sitting with an officer. Both men looked tired, however Felipe smiled wearily and said, “Darling, our lives are about to get more interesting.”
It was explained that he could no longer enter the United States. He would be detained in jail until he could get on a flight back out. After that, he wouldn’t be able to return to America again.
“On what grounds are you deporting him?” she asked. That’s when the officer explained that Felipe wasn’t technically being deported rather he was being refused entry. Felipe hadn’t committed a crime or overstayed his visa. He had merely gotten snagged in a loophole.
“What would you do now, if you were in our situation?” She asked the officer. Honestly?” he said. “The two of you need to get married.” This was when Liz and Felipe’s hearts in tandem and audibly sank. They had heard of a green card marriage before but it wasn’t a scheme they wanted to would embrace.
This happened during the George W. Bush’s presidential administration: not a relaxing time in history to have a foreign born partner held in government custody, but maybe slightly better than today.
Felipe’s eyes filled with tears as he said to Liz, “Thank you for coming into my life. No matter what happens now, no matter what you decide to do next, just know that you’ve given me the two most joyful years I’ve ever known and I will never forget you.”
In a flash, she realized that he thought this was it – she would leave him. The officer left to give them a few minutes to be alone, and as he turned Felipe whispered into her ear, “I love you so much, I will even marry you.” “And I love you so much,” she in return, “that I will even marry you.”
That is the story of how those two got engaged at the airport in a Homeland Security interrogation room. It is a true immigration love story of our era.
I could go on and on about immigration and how the system is broken. I could talk about walls, people held at the border unjustly. I could talk about other love stories about people from different countries, how they got married. In my last ministry there was a couple with this similar tale. Love is not always at the center of an immigration story, but it was a big part of Liz and Felipe’s story.
Let’s recap, Liz and Felipe got engaged and now they could start planning their wedding, right? Wrong!
There was a process to go through; a long process with lots of red tape, and the government recommended that they not make any plans until the process was successfully completed. There would be no engagement celebrations or parties. Felipe was flown away and the two were separated until they could get the process of immigration set in motion.
Eventually they were united again and had to wait to hear from our government as to when they could get married and return. While waiting, they moved from one Asian country to another. Their nerves grew thin, they argued, and wondered when their nightmare might ever end. Why was this was happening? It wasn’t personal to our government, but it was to them.
Liz decided to do what she usually does when she doesn’t understand something- she turned it into an intensive study. She turned marriage inside out and interviewed people of all ages from all kinds of cultures what marriage means to them. She did this because no matter the promise they made to one another in that dimly lit interrogation room, she still wasn’t sure if she was ready for marriage.
She looked at this study as a kind of readiness program that would prepare her heart. Liz had to debunk myths and look at what was the real reason she wasn’t ready. This was as much a self-exploration as it was an exploration of marriage.
Dr. Rev. Susan Suchocki Brown, my ministerial mentor, charged a congregation to love one another- that love is at the heart of any good relationship, she said. It was at my installation in another church. She had served the First UU Congregational Society in Leominster, MA for 25 years before she retired and they made her Minister Emerita.
I wonder if all those years together Susan and that church were always in love? I’m certain they had some good and bad times, times when they made their budget or not, Together, they saw people come and go over the years. And there were plenty of times when they shined brightly for their community to see.
By the time Rev. Susan charged that church to love one another, she had experienced just about everything this kind of ministerial marriage might offer. She focused on mutual love and appreciation for a reason. In this process of togetherness we call shared ministry, you – the church – have tough times. When times get hard, who do you turn to?
We know divorces happen between ministers and churches- that love and appreciation doesn’t always endure as we hoped. There may be no lawyers involved, but it can still be hard journey.
You can turn to the UUA for support and they will be kinder and more gentle that any Homeland Security Office. The UUA shares your values. They can help you to see the good in ministry and all it can offer. I hope you are grateful for this denominational support. I am. I hope you trust them rather than see them as another red tape making machine meant to hold things up.
And what about Liz and Felipe- who helped and supported them? The research Liz did prepared her heart appropriately. Our government finally concluded the process that slowed their wedding down.
The two married in their home which was an old church. They were surrounded by 10 members of their family and friends including their dog. The license cost $28 dollars and a photocopy of one utility bill. The Mayor officiated the ceremony where they exchanged their vows. Theirs is a true story of how they were sentenced to wed. Today, the couple remains happily married, but we know that many immigration stories have become entangled in ways we could never imagine.
Perhaps we must all undertake a self-evaluation to confront what holds love together or apart for us. May we investigate these curiosities and debunk the myths as we go onward. Let us better understand the purpose of unity and why we come together. May those in this sacred space remain committed to making church work well for all. May those within this commitment, live happily ever after in a church they call home.
Blessed be. Amen.